@rzrachelzoe: Hey everyone! I want to officially confirm to my loyal friends and followers that I am pregnant...
@rbermanus: Thanks everyone for all of the well wishes. I can't believe I'm going to be a dad :) So excited!!!!
Two of my most hilarious friends had already posted the news on my Facebook because they knew how much of a landmark occasion this is for me. A long time ago, my college roommates/BFFLs, C and H, announced to me that I was Rachel Zoe. I knew she was a stylist in our hometown of LA, that she was super small and anorexic-looking, and that she had a TV show. I did not know that, though she is originally from somewhere in New Jersey, we spoke with the exact same Valley Girl accent and cadence, that she looked just as overwhelmed by her purses and face-consuming sunglasses as I did, and that she would save me from despair on my 22nd birthday. On this particularly shitty day, I had made plans to go to 1020, told a bunch of people, and then canceled once most people had arrived. I hate birthdays and attention (should rephrase: I hate birthday attention) and all I wanted to do was curl into a ball on my circus bed and watch something with C. "We are going to watch this - it will make you feel better." "This" was "The Rachel Zoe Project," Episode 2 of Season 2.
I. Died.
Between Eva and Annie and Tay and Brad and Rodge and Babe, I was enthralled. We sounded exactly alike. We had the same blank stare when listening to people. But she beat me - she had that West LA swagger and aloofness that I had only mildly adapted before I left for New York to leave that all behind. On "The RZ Project," she flaunted it. The baubles, the venti Starbucks in hand always, the flowy peasant blouses and Mary-Kate Olsen hair, the Bottega Venetta oversized shoulder bags...and, of course, the tranny heels, the symbol of WeHo. And, of course, she knew Kate and Demi and Cameron because it was her job to make them bangin'.
More enthralling? Zoe did make them bangin'. Twenty minutes in to this episode, probably revolving around pre-Oscar season, she was referencing gowns on the tip of her tongue like Mendeleev could elements. And the fascinating bit was that she coated all of her knowledge (she did go to George Washington University and majored in sociology/psychology, so I mean, there's that) in her passionless, perpetual-LA-wishy-washy-ennui: "Love it," "That's so major," "That is everything," "Die," "Beyond," and, the notorious "Bah-nanuhs." I just fell fucking in love with her. Her reality show embodies everything that I love (to watch) about LA. Part of me kind of does want everyone not from Los Angeles to think that everyone is like Rachel in that suburb city. No one gives a shit about politics, only movies, clothes, and philanthropy. In essence, we are all blissfully ignorant, and the stress of our lives is preparing for awards seasons. That is everything.
So now Rachel is preggers. What will become of the show, her career? Did she really want to have a baby or did Rodger pressure her into doing this? Can she even carry a baby to full term while that thin? No one knows. No one cares. All we care about is how she dresses with child and that burgeoning BABY BUMP. So here is where the blog begins - with the first pictures from the earlier rumors of Rachel Zoe, The Mother-To-Be.
MOCA's Annual Gala, November 13, 2010. Notice the overlap into that woman's white dress.
Shopping at one of the flea markets in LA, November 14, 2010. My favorite picture so far, because there is going to be so much speculation on "is RoDger happy?" It saddens me when the tabloids create deteriorating marriage rumors around a couple. Are they strong enough to defeat the conjecture? One can only hope. Then again, the only reason I'd ever have a child is to save a crumbling marriage. Note, again, the strategically placed purse and black baggy Olsen outfit. But the tranny heels never fail.
Out and about in LA (probably Beverly Hills, from the looks of it), November 21, 2010. Again, it's really hard to tell if anything is showing. How pregnant is she? And since she is so small, will she start showing fairly early on? Once I managed to convince myself I needed to take a pregnancy test because it was possible that, as a 5-foot-tall 90-something-pound lady, I would start showing as soon as two weeks after conception. Obviously it was negative, and I was just especially bloated that day in the H&M dressing room, and now this is an inappropriate story I tell to regale friends and strangers alike at parties, or whenever the topic seems mildly relevant. All I'm saying is, she might show, despite or because of her unspoken eating disorder. And her thighs are never going to look larger because of the heels, or maybe she'll be like Angelina and maintain her same arm/leg/face fat ratio and only get the stomach and the boobs. We have nine months to see.
Same shopping excursion from the 21st. The coat is miming the silhouette of a baby bump, but it's really just an illusion. Mainly this photograph is to show how amazing Rodge's beard is! Flecked with gray, so sexy!
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